The other night, man, I just couldn't sleep. I should have been drifting. It had been a long day at the Beefhaus, but I just couldn't sleep. No matter what I tried, my heart kept breaking and I just couldn't settle down.
So I decided to get out of bed and watch a movie.
There was nothing on Netflix.
There was nothing on Hulu.
I couldn't get HBO Go to work.
So I fired up a blu-ray.
Not just any blu-ray, though. I knew in my heart it was the perfect time to dig into Blue Underground's new restoration of Lucio Fulci's gut-munching classic Zombie that arrived from Bullmoose just in time for Thanksgiving weekend!
WE ARE GOING TO EAT YOU! lolololololololollolol
Grampa Bobo used to take me to all the horror movies when I was a little kid. Not really because I wanted to, I used to to always get so scared! He used to go on his own and I wanted to spend time with him. He told me he went because he was so scared of my grandmother that he helped him process the terror he faced everyday in his domestic life.
There's a lot of parts in Zombie where the aforementioned ghoulies eat people up in all kinds of gruesome manners. I mean, seeing some poor fella get his guts torn out by a monster is much worse than anything I've ever seen in a slaughter house, and sometimes shit gets gnarly in those. Not at Mr. Beef, though. I love cows almost as much as I love to eat them, so we are a very humane company. But what happens in Zombie? Hoo boy it's gory.
I love world cinema, especially the horror movies from Italy. They just have this poetry to them I've never seen in anything else. I think they were made by filmmakers who were influence by Fellini. His films have a very beautiful and artistic quality to them, but they're usually sort of boring and I don't like to read subtitles. The horror movies are usually dubbed in English and anything but boring!
The 90 minutes of sheer terror turned out to be exactly what I needed after a long and stressful first act of the holiday season. You see, someone I'm almost done being married to doesn't want me around the kid. It's not because I'm a bad influence. I love the thing like it's my own because it is. It's because she doesn't like the smell of meat and I always smell like meat.
It didn't used to be like that. She used to love meat. We would go to steak houses. I would make her all kinds of special roasts. But about a year ago, just before we separated, she went vegan all of a sudden overnight. She still hunts, but now she won't eat it. She says it's not healthy. That beef is bad for the soul. That Mr. Beef is even worse.
I didn't realize that Veganism has turned into a kind of new contemporary religion. That's what she tells me. She also tells me that she's raising the kid Vegan and Vegan kids aren't allowed to spend time with Mr. Beef. It's just not allowed.
Mr. Beef built them the house. Now Mr. Beef is the bad guy.
I know it's not me. I know it's not right and that it shouldn't bother me and things will all reach their logical conclusion, but sometimes it's tough.
That's why it felt so great to watch Zombies eat people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I had a great time watching the movie. I don't know much about that kind of technical stuff, but the brand-new 4K restoration looked beautiful and 7.1 surround mix was BADASS on my soundbar I bought myself for Christmas last year.
The special features were pretty sweet, too.
I watched it all and then I went back to bed and slept soundly until two the next afternoon. I didn't roll into work until most people were quitting for the day, but that's okay because I own the place.
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